Column: CEO Learnings
Book Review of “My Two Elaines: Learning, Coping and Surviving as an Alzheimer’s Caregiver” by Martin J. Schreiber
“My Two Elaines” by Martin J. Schreiber is a moving and insightful account of one man’s journey through the challenging and often heartbreaking landscape of Alzheimer’s disease. As a former governor of Wisconsin, Schreiber is no stranger to leadership and resilience, but nothing could have prepared him for the deeply personal and transformative experience of caring for his wife, Elaine, as she battled Alzheimer’s. This book is not only a tribute to Elaine but also a beacon of hope and guidance for other caregivers navigating similar paths.
Embracing a new reality
The central theme of “My Two Elaines” is the necessity of embracing the new reality of a loved one with dementia. Schreiber eloquently 
describes the process of letting go of the person you once knew and learning to connect with the new person they have become. This shift in perspective is crucial for both the patient and the caregiver, as it allows for a more compassionate and effective approach to care. Schreiber emphasizes that imposing our previous expectations on a loved one with dementia only leads to frustration and heartache. Instead, he advocates for “rolling with it,” honoring the emotions and perceptions of those with cognitive diseases, even as they fluctuate from day to day.
The Dual Nature of Caregiving
One of the most powerful aspects of the book is Schreiber’s candid discussion of the dual nature of caregiving. He poignantly illustrates that there are two patients in this scenario: the person with Alzheimer’s and the caregiver.
Schreiber’s honesty about his own struggles and the toll caregiving took on his physical and emotional well-being is both humbling and inspiring. He underscores the importance of self-care for caregivers, a message that cannot be overstated. Caregivers must prioritize their health and well-being to provide the best care possible for their loved ones.
Schreiber’s journey as a caregiver transformed him in profound ways, making him a “wounded prophet” who can empathize deeply with others facing similar challenges. His reflections on how caregiving requires immense love, understanding, and humility resonate deeply. There are no quick fixes or instant gratifications in this role; it demands a sacrifice of self and an unwavering commitment to the well-being of another.
Treasure Trove of Practical Advice and Insights 
A standout feature of the book is the Q&A section with neuropsychologist Dr. Michelle Braun. This segment is a treasure trove of practical advice and insights, offering readers concrete strategies to empower themselves as advocates for their loved ones and their own needs. Dr. Braun’s expertise and compassionate approach provide invaluable guidance on navigating the complex emotional and logistical challenges of caregiving.
“My Two Elaines” is peppered with entries from Elaine’s journal, offering a poignant glimpse into her perspective and experiences. These entries add a deeply personal and humanizing touch to the narrative, reminding readers that behind the clinical diagnosis of Alzheimer’s lies a unique individual with her own thoughts, feelings, and memories.
Schreiber’s candid reflections on what he wishes he had known earlier and done differently are particularly valuable. These insights offer readers a chance to learn from his experiences and potentially avoid some of the pitfalls he encountered. His emphasis on the importance of understanding Alzheimer’s disease as a prerequisite for effective caregiving is a crucial takeaway.
Knowledge is power
Knowledge is power, and understanding the disease can help caregivers cope with the many challenges they face.
The Pivot
The book’s afterword by Tom Hvalacek, former executive director of the Alzheimer’s Association of Wisconsin, further reinforces the themes of resilience, adaptation, and the importance of support networks. Hvalacek introduces the concept of “the pivot,” the emotional shift caregivers must make to let go of the person they once knew and embrace the new reality of their loved one’s condition. This pivot is one of the hardest aspects of caregiving but is essential for emotional survival and the ability to continue providing compassionate care.
A Must-Read for anyone touched by Alzheimer’s
“My Two Elaines” is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the enduring power of love. Schreiber’s journey is a beacon of hope for all caregivers, offering practical advice, emotional support, and a deep sense of shared experience. It is a must-read for anyone touched by Alzheimer’s, providing both solace and inspiration in the face of one of life’s most challenging journeys.
RELATED RESOURCES:
- “My Two Elaines: Learning, Coping and Surviving as an Alzheimer’s Caregiver” by Martin J. Schreiber
View Articles Thomas M. Loarie is a popular host of The Mentors Radio Show, the founder and CEO of BryoLogyx Inc. (BryoLogyx.com), and a seasoned corporate... MORE »
You must be logged in to post a comment.